I saw this article on Pamela Druckerman's page (her new book is, There Are No Grown-ups: A Midlife Coming-of-age Story) a while ago. At first, I didn't want to read the article, I do plan on reading Druckerman's book. What could possibly be illuminating and redemptive here? Eventually, I did read this work by Karin Jones and loved the conclusions the author developed. Her summation mirrored these words by Dr. Sue Johnston, author of Love Sense,
The truth is that we stray and have affairs not because we are all naturally inclined to have multiple mates but because our bond with our partner is either inherently weak or has deteriorated so far that we are unbearably lonely. We haven't understood love or known how to repair it. So, confused and lost in a world that sells sex aggressively as the be-all and end-all of a relationship, the only obvious "solution" has been to seek out new lovers to try to create the longed for connection.
And I loved the profound illustration by Brian Rea shown above. Check out the gaping hole between the couple. The "solution"? It's too tough to close the gap, I'll just find someone else to bang to medicate my lonely heart. It's the easy solution, like water and electricity taking the path of least resistance. Of course, past wounds and trauma often make the situation more complex.
If you are pondering an affair take a look at this first. Affairs don't solve the problems in your present relationship. Focus your energy there.
So check out Karin's words below.