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A Vision for Healing from Shirley Glass

A while ago I read Shirley Glass's Not "Just Friends" .  She wrote the words below that pretty closely summarize what we hope for couples. 

She listed out the following characteristics of a strong marriage: 

  • Compassionate communication is the essence of your healing.
  • Your sexuality is a mutually desired expression of love, affection, and eroticism. I looked it up and the first definition of erotic is, of or concerning sexual love or desire; amatory.  That's just what we mean.)
  • You have replaced any rigid patterns with flexible interactions: shared intimacy, power, and respect.
  • Conflicts are resolved and don't escalate; you don't avoid them.
  • Neither of you feels overbenefited or underbenefited because you are equally invested in the relationship.
  • You have a united front in dealing with others, a co-constructed story about the meaning of the infidelity (or whatever the rift was) and a shared vision for monogamy. 

Healing isn't for the faint of heart. Unblinking bravery (ok, maybe a little blinking) is required to face life honestly. And when life is faced honestly the likelihood of gaining the reward of grace filled intimacy is closer to being a new reality. 


Read Betrayed and Betrayer by Ben and Ann Wilson