Marriages Restored

Can We Ever Be Close Again?

When I speak about intimacy many merely hear a euphemism for sex. But intimacy is much more. Intimacy includes sex - praise Jesus, but intimacy also encompasses non-sexual touch, spiritual closeness, recreational togetherness, and emotional connection.

What can be so darn difficult about closeness in these areas?

Much of the difficulty stems from interacting with fallen people in a fallen world. In close relationships everyone receives wounds. In this, we learn that closeness can be dangerous so we become guarded to be safe. In extreme cases of abusive or addictive homes, we learn to be hyper alert in our guard duty. In not-so extreme cases, intimacy might not have been modeled or offered at home. Because it feels unfamiliar and unsafe, we learned to guard against it.

Guardedness, then, gets in the way of intimacy.

Now, you have two people in a relationship with intimacy issues also dealing with an affair. Wondering if you will ever be close again is a natural response to the betrayal. But find grace in this: many of us never learned how to truly be close to another in the first place, regardless of our upbringing. We just don’t know how. Even if we do know some of what it means to be close, there is always more to learn. With humility, real intimacy is possible in all aspects of soul and senses.

Betrayed and Betrayer by Ben and Ann Wilson coming Dec 1st...or thereabouts.