Grieving isn't just about the death of someone you love. We suffer 'deaths' of various flavors throughout our lives. Life isn't exactly like a box of chocolates Forest Gump. It's more like Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Harry Potter. We get great tastes like banana and bacon and other times we gag on rotten eggs or petrol.
My friend, Krista once posted this quote, "Every day we experience death. The death of dreams, misconceptions, illusions. The death of vibrancy and enthusiasm. The death of hope. The death of courage. The death of confidence. The death of faith. The death of trust. More often than any of us ever expect, life stuns us with the sudden wrenching away of a loved one, a devastating diagnosis, a conversation that begins with the chilling words, “There’s something I’ve got to tell you.”
In our stunned state we must allow ourselves to grieve our woundedness, i.e. loss of relationship and intimacy because it will eventually lead to extraordinary encounters with God. Our woundedness includes ways we have been hurt and ways we have hurt others.
We had much to grieve following the revelation of the affair. One of the best decisions I ever made was to face as much of the pain possible every day. Though there was a constant washing of pain, I figured there was still only so much pain to deal with in this deal. If we managed to make it through I didn't want it constantly snaking around in our relationship two decades hence.
Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing your marriage after the affair by Ben and Ann Wilson
Coming in 2015.