Here is one model of the process of forgiveness.
- Open yourself up to God.
- Look at your wounds, acknowledge that they are real, then expose them to your spouse.
- Grieve your losses together.
- Seek and Grant forgiveness.
Sounds easy, right? Not so much. A caveat. Never ever tell your spouse the problem is his or her lack of forgiveness. Most of the time I hear that the problem is the one who did the wounding just wants to brush by it. Rather than pointing out the lack of forgiveness a better option is to say, "Tell me one more time about the ways in which I've hurt you." In other words, be with your spouse in his or pain. This helps one own his or her 'stuff'.
So here is what we want you to do.
Look at the wounds and losses you listed in the Grief section and pick one for which you may be ready to offer and receive forgiveness. Follow the above process to help you. If you are not ready to forgive, pick one of your wounds or losses to more fully discuss at this time. Go through this list one by one and then over and over and over as needed.