Ben Wilson 720-378-2327
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442/444 Healing from Infidelity: A Valuable Fourteen Months of Hell

This post was originally from Father's Day 2006. It is fitting today. Stay with it. 

Today was a wonderful day.  We had good friends in from Dallas.  My family blessed me to overflowing.  My wife went and procured some Lamar’s doughnuts for breakfast which are way better than Krispy Kreme by the way.  She also gave me greens fees for two at Fossil Trace Golf Course in Golden, CO.  It is a unique course to play golf.  My son gave me a pound of good, dark, smoky, coffee and made me a pot to drink.  My daughter gave me a new book by Paulo Coelho called Warrior of the Light.  I will link to if I like it which I am guessing I will.  For dinner my wife grilled tender pork chops, fried some potatoes, steamed some broccoli and melted cheese to put over it and we had salad.  Yum Yum.  For dessert we had vanilla ice cream with strawberries on top.  I am full. Body and Soul.  Ann and I just returned from taking our dog for a walk around the lake with the mountains in the background.  Really a great day.     

Maybe you are wondering if your marriage is going to survive.  People say you don’t want to stay together just for the kids.  I couldn’t AGREE more.  You don’t.  But they are a great reason to put all of who you are into growing and attempting to rebuild your marriage over the next two years.  It may be tough to face all of the pain you may be in.  What am I saying, it will be tough to face the pain of infidelity.  If a man and a woman are willing to humble themselves, face the truth (all ones glory and sin), face life head on daily, and seek God (whatever that means during this chaotic time in your life) I can promise you it will be worth it.  You will grow and be closer to God.  While I hope your marriage survives I can’t promise that, but I can promise you will be changed for the better. 

So often during the worst of times in our marriage a huge part of me wanted to run and not face the pain.  I am so glad I didn’t heed that voice and had friends to get in my way sometimes when I wanted to.  If I had given into the pain I wouldn’t have had the day I had today.  This day would have been a mere dream and not a reality.  Many times it was only the kids for which I stayed.  I stayed reluctantly, but I stayed.  I grew and changed.  Ann grew and changed.  Today, we are together and really like each other.  Really like each other.  She is such a good friend.

I am blessed for staying and facing the pain.  Fourteen months of hell.  Fourteen months of growth.

My daughter just gave me a huge hug AND my wife was at the door to tell her good-bye instead of my daughter telling me good-bye and saying she was going to mom’s house.  It is reality for me and not a dream.  A couple of years of struggle and toil, humility and confession, anger and hurt have brought me to a place of joy I only dreamed of ten years ago in the midst of all the devastation.  I pray that redemption and joy for you too.