In the process of forgiveness it's important to talk. Talk to your spouse. You may not have really talked in years. Or maybe there was talking but not much listening. Couples that make it through affairs talk, talk talk. They get back to talking about fears and desires and dreams. They listen to the hurts and pain from the affair and from whatever is hanging around from throughout the marriage. The idea isn't to merely complain, it's to honestly share ones internal world with an eye of moving towards God.
It's important to have a friend or two and/or a counselor to talk everything through. I needed to hear Steve's words of, 'Your marriage isn't over and God isn't through using you." I felt a little life stirring in me after he took me to see Braveheart while we were at our Reserve Unit Annual Training in Arkansas. There were numerous other times we spent at lunch or I just tagged along with him. We might talk about the affair but we might clown around as guys too.
I also talked with Gary. Gary would share about his pain in losing his daughter. We shared honestly and without fear of judgment about our private conniption fits. I didn't feel like I had to have it all together around Gary. I could let go around him.
Without those two guys the outcome of our marriage may have been quite different. We all need help. We all need insight and wisdom when pain skews our vision like blurry quazi see through bathroom glass tile. The smartest of us need caring friends to guide us after our souls have been damaged.
Who are the one or two people in your life you can tell anything to or not have to have it all together with when you hang out? Will they be honest about what forgiveness can be with your marriage?