Ben Wilson, LPC

Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God’s Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. ~ Hebrews 5

Though a vast amount has about written about grieving, and rightly so, we have three simple guidelines to share what aided us as we dealt with the loss in our lives. 

First we learned to be honest. It isn't weak or mean or unchristian to say, "I hurt. Here's why..." Or maybe, "I miss the sense of..."  There isn't any name calling or condemning. There is a revealing of ones inner world for the other to see and to honor. 

Second, be expressive. Get the stuff out from within in whatever manner. Passion is evidence of a vibrant life emerging. It's evidence of God using the painful process of dealing with an affair redemptively. So passionately express all those emotions inside. If you are writer, write. Do you paint? Then paint. Do you like to move?  Maybe its dance or tennis or running or hiking that will help you bring out your grief. And keep your spouse up to date on what it is you are expressing through deeply sincere conversations. 

And that is guideline number three, to grieve in relationship with others. There is a temptation in dealing with an affair to become the martyr. 'I'll just suffer through this alone'. 'I guess this is just my lot in life'. Those words show a choice to isolate. Be honest and expressive with one another. 'I am angry about...', 'I miss...', 'Today on my walk I was thinking about...' 'Put your arm around me and just hold me while I cry'. Those are words of connection in grieving.