Ben Wilson, LPC

Try something new in recreation. Ann and I decided to use some of our recreational dollars to take in five musicals this year. We've seen a show occasionally in the past, but this year decided to stretch ourselves into making it a regular date and outing. I'm really looking forward to Les Miserables live. 

It's important to be open to new ideas. Get out of the rut we all get in. We all have different ideas of fun so be open. Keeping a spirit of fun reduces the risk and can make even not the greatest night a fun memory. Say you went to really bad movie. Appreciating the time together and joking about the bad parts afterwards can salvage the evening. 

If your recreation is active remember that recreation with your spouse is not about setting a new personal best in your chosen sport. If it becomes too competitive, it loses the spirit of fun. If Ann and I play golf (I'm a former pro, she's a novice) I've found a way to deal here. We'll play each others drives. She likes it when I hit a good one and I get to play from all sorts of interesting places I wouldn't have otherwise seen. :)  After our second shots we'll pick the best one and alternate to finish the hole. This helps to have fun, root for one another and be on the same team. I like that some times our high fives become celebratory kisses. 

And kisses remind me that recreational intimacy includes flirting with one another. We looked up flirting in the dictionary and look what we found...

To run and dart about…to act with giddiness…a desire to attract notice…to play at courtship.

So flirt. Play at courtship. Flirting can get lost in marriage. We forget to say, ”Hey sexy, what you cookin’ tonight?" "I sure like the way you walk!” We forget to exhibit behaviors like an exaggerated wiggle when we walk, dancing with and for each other or batting our eyes. Flirting can be distinct for each couple so what is it for you?  A caveat, teasing can be a part of flirting just remember that when teasing each other to keep it good natured and not to subtly wound the other.

Finally, develop relationship with other couples you can have fun with. For one of those musicals we are attending, several other couples will be joining us and we plan to have a big night of it.

At our conferences we usually blow up a bunch of beach balls and spread couples around the room. We crank up some high energy music like U2's Vertigo and we...play. It's the first time of playing for many couples in quite a while.  

On your side, brainstorm to create a list of activities you would like to participate in together to develop more recreational/social intimacy. These need to be a combination of His, Hers and NEW activities!

After that, brainstorm ways you can ensure these activities are more likely to take place.