Ben Wilson, LPC

We've gone through what recreational intimacy is, why it is important and so let's look at how to develop more of it. 

Some of you are thinking, whoa. Wait a minute, you don't understand that we don't have ANY common interests.

Well, that isn't a terminal deal. Come up with a NEW activity. It may take a while, but it's a big world so you'll find something you can enjoy together. 

Also, you can seek to learn to enjoy what your spouse enjoys. Find out why she likes to race or he likes musicals. See if you can't find a new perspective on the favorite activities of the other. And if you just don't enjoy it, it is possible to enjoy your spouse while he or she is enjoying a favorite activity. Enjoy her while she races or enjoy him while he taps his toes to the musical.

This takes being interested and invested in one another.  Ann doesn't really care for golf all that much. But to be with me sometimes she'll watch it on TV--or online since we don't have cable now. She chooses to be by me even though she isn't that interested in what we're actually viewing because she cares about our marriage. 

And what about me with her. I am the instigator of most of our activities which is fine. But if shopping is recreation then I go with her while she shops sometimes. Some shopping is more fun than other shopping but I choose to go with her and be with her while she explores every option in the store before making a purchase. I would have made the purchase 30 minutes ago, but it's fun to her to look at all the different options. I take it all in and do my best to stay present with her. And sometimes I have a blast too like going to the vintage clothing store and searching for that nugget in all the antique clothes. 

Remember, be intentional. If you aren't choosing to do this and grow then you won't. Intimacy of any kind doesn't just magically happen. 

Recreational intimacy has to be developed consistently and deliberately over time.