Ben Wilson, LPC

Remembering, reconnecting, resting and romance. Baptist preacher alliteration came out in this section.

Play and activity is romance for most guys. I talked to a female friend tonight. She said for her athletic activity is romantic too. She also wants to get all dressed up for the steak dinner out. She wants it all. 

I want to refer back to Shaunti Feldhahn, her words and something I've written previously on this topic.  She speaks of the different definitions men and women (in general) have for romance.  Here is what men said. 

Playing together is romantic.  She says,

‘Men want to go out and do things together and view that as incredibly romantic.  Playing with their wives makes them (men) feel close and loving and intimate; it offers an escape from the ordinary, a time to focus on each other – all things that women also want from romance.’  for women only by Shaunti Feldhahn

I couldn't agree more.  This was a huge theme for Ann and I.  We had lost the ability to play together.  I can't tell you how hurt I was when she threw the Frisbee around with her affair partner.  It just killed me.  That's when I knew something was really going on.  I don't think Ann got it but I did.  

So we take walks and hikes together now.  We work out some together.  It's true what Shaunti says, "Men want to go out and do things together and view that as incredibly romantic."  She says that it is a man's version of a candlelight dinner.  So when Ann and I went on an anniversary trip and I gave her diamond earrings and we went out and had a nice dinner too what do you think I remember?  The horseback ride that afternoon.  Our guide was from Boston.  I purposely fell back so I could have the horse trot a bit to catch up.  He said he would get in trouble if his boss saw that. :) I don't recall where we went to dinner.

Even so, I still like getting dressed up for dinner out with Ann too. 

Underneath this is that men want to know that their wife likes them and playing/having fun, says that. Have you seen Hitch. Do you remember when Will Smith says to Eva Mendez, "I like you. I really like you." We sometimes tell the other what it is that we really desire. 

So, what do you do if you aren't athletic? Spectating is often just as good. He will be pleased you are taking an interest in him. 

Guys, this is a two way street. Say you don't particularly care for musicals and your wife does. Go see a musical with her. Let her know you value what she values for recreation and free time too. 

How can you bless your spouse? What activities would he or she enjoy doing with you?