Ben Wilson, LPC

Here are our final recommendations for maintaining a healthy sexual intimacy in your marriage.

Keep physically fit. Rather than watch TV, take a walk together or go bicycle riding. In fact, the best thing you can do for your sex life is put the TV in the garage. This might include your laptop (I can be guilty here) or your smart phone too.

I've made a conscious effort this year to eat real foods and exercise more and it has improved our sex life. A few years ago I was about at 300 pounds. While the closeness of sex was still good, there was a lack of enjoyment due to a lack of breath. If you go for a walk today and eat some fruits and vegetables you'll be healthier tomorrow regardless of what your health is today. All you can do is start from where you are. Does that mean if I was still 300 pounds that we couldn't connect physically? Of course, not. We connected physically when I was that overweight. But being more fit has enhanced our physically intimate times together. 

Keep well-groomed.  Maintaining proper care of your body and practicing good hygiene show that you care about and respect your spouse. Let me break this down, if you stink take a shower, wear clean clothes, keep your breath agreeable and make some effort to please your spouse with your presentation. Communicate to your spouse that he or she is desirable to you. Don't hear me saying 100% of the time. There is certainly a place to just chill in your oldest holiest sweats, just avoid getting into the rut of wearing them almost all of the time. 

Keep your sexual feelings turned toward home. A great way to do this is to flirt often with one another. Be playful and anticipate when you'll be together again. If you struggle with fantasy and pornography find some help. Fantasy is the opposite of intimacy. Fantasy travels backwards and outwards, intimacy moves forward through challenging places and wonderful places. 

Keep sex positive. Your sexual times will be most satisfying if they are free of demand and anxiety and full of care, warmth, physical pleasure and fun. Again, focus on the process and not the result. The great thing about this is that your results will be much better by focusing on the process. Be in the moment not worrying about five minutes from now. 

Keep coming up with surprises to keep sex from becoming boring.

Leave a love note on your spouse’s pillow, light a candle, bring breakfast to bed, prepare a special dinner, bring flowers, complete an over-due project, or in your own way tell your spouse he/she is special to you. Know your spouse and what is fun and special for him or her in this area.