Ben Wilson, LPC

We're halfway through our discussion on intimacy. We've covered emotional and spiritual intimacy. Now we're on to physical (non-sexual and sexual) and recreational intimacy. It's a lifelong learning process in all of these areas and we hope to help that learning along. 

Ann and I were sexually active within a month. She was a college freshman and I was a junior. We didn't realize it at the time, but we would pay bigtime in not growing the other areas of intimacy in our relationship in foundational ways before starting the sexual aspect. 

What is non-sexual physical intimacy?

It's important for some guys to learn that all touching doesn't have to lead to sex. There are times when pulling back on the reigns of your sexual desires will be a great blessing to your wife. I have also talked to women that need to know that just because your guy wants to honor you with touch that doesn't always lead to sex doesn't mean you are at risk to losing him. 

Non-sexual touching is usually more important earlier in a relationship before sex enters the picture and gets lost once a couple becomes sexually intimate.

As I said, we did this backwards; we were sexually active early in our relationship; we know we’re not the only one. If that’s the case for you, then this is even more important because you had less of a chance to develop non-sexual physical intimacy in your relationship.

NOTE: Non-sexual touching is an important part of your physical intimacy especially after you get married. A touch on the arm, a slow scalp massage, a foot massage, a slow dance in the kitchen, all of which don't lead to sex are a great way to build closeness for a couple. 

What area of intimacy do you believe is strongest in your relationship? What area has the biggest room for growth?