Ben Wilson, LPC

I know people who are petrified, mortified, stupified at the thought of praying with their spouse. They would rather fight Iron Man, Hulk, Thor and Captain American with a bb gun than risk looking like a fool in prayer. 

The deal about prayer is just to do it. There isn't a right way. When we seek to pray the 'right way' we end up like Bruce in Bruce Almighty. He prays a prayer with God (Morgan Freeman) by his side. World peace and all that stuff. Morgan says, "That's a great prayer...if you want to be Miss America.'' Then Bruce really gets down into his heart with a passionate other centered prayer for his girl friend, Grace. Morgan says, "Now that's a prayer."

So praying from the passionate places inside of us feels so vulnerable. Because it is. Being vulnerable is a key ingredient of intimacy. Thus, praying together, from the depths of who you are will bring you closer to your spouse. 

Many are hung up on the how to pray. So how should you do it? There are many ways and it is important to find several ways that are good for both spouses. 

Here are a few ways we pray. Again, there is no right way, just learn what helps the two of you enter into connection with God and one another. 

1. Share concerns with your spouse for which you would like prayer.

What a great way to share with your spouse what is on your heart and that he or she is deeply needed by you. "Honey, I have this (your concern) going on today. Will you pray for me right now? Or it can be will you prayer for me throughout the day about this. 

2. Ask your spouse what he or she would like prayer for, share with one another, then pray silently or aloud for one another.

Sometimes the out loud part is too much. That's ok. So just talk with one another about significant factors in your heart and soul. After this, pray for one another. If you are comfortable praying out loud that is ok to do. If not, it certainly is ok to pray silently for each other. Ann and I do both. I like that we pray differently at different times for one another.

3. Share fears or dreams with your spouse and request prayer over this matter. 

This is a little deeper than the first one in that fears and dreams are deeply vulnerable to share. So this is always significant core communication. Again this can feel most vulnerable to talk at this level. Fears and dreams run deep. 

These manners of praying may not suit you and that's ok. Find out through trial and error where both husband and wife are comfortable with a certain style of prayer. Whatever works for you works for you.

Prayer is an intimate activity. Even if there is tension in your relationship find a way to bring prayer into it. 

Today's questions for you to discuss with your spouse: When did I give and receive the least love today?