Ben Wilson, LPC

Our greatest fear is to be known and to be rejected. We long to be known, to be seen. Yet, all of us have experiences where we have opened up only to receive a foot stomp to the heart. It hurts. We learn not to show those feelings, those parts of our souls that were wounded and dismissed. 

So even though we greatly desire intimacy, we cover up and hide with 'fig leaves' of some sort to gain acceptance. We develop masks, false selves to make our way in the world because sharing our true self can be too painful. 

The problem with a mask is it can't give or receive love. I once heard a wise man say, 'the false self has no soul'. The false self isn't impacted by love. Put the false self out there all day and the loneliness and isolation continue to grow especially when others are drawn to it. You end up like Vince Vaughn in The Breakup where he was told something like, "Everyone thinks he's your best friend, but nobody really knows you." 

What are your masks? False selves? Would your spouse say the same thing?

How have they impacted your marriage?