Ben Wilson, LPC

All of us are built for intimacy at the core of our being. We are built to know and be known by another soul. Larry Crabb says, "We cannot experience the love and joy of real life until we’re connected to another at the level of our soul.  We cannot know the freedom to be who we truly are until we yield who we are to another and experience that person’s acceptance."

So what happens? The flip side of longing to know and be known is that we're afraid of it. Closeness in a fallen world leads to pain. We have all learned in different manners that being close sometimes isn't safe. 

We're also impacted by our culture and the way of life today. Our pace is fast, fast, fast. We're up to 4G and the increases will just keep pouring in like a 13 year old receiving text messages about the newest cute boy in school.

Busyness is a major barrier to intimacy. Intimacy usually requires some face-to-face, eyeball to eyeball relating. When racing around to get the kids here or to attend there it's tough to have the time to gaze into the eyes of your spouse. 

In dealing with our affair we took some action against this busyness. For this season we limited our children to just one extracurricular activity at a time. It was either basketball or girl scouts. Or it was wrestling or boy scouts. Our kids were actually in three or four activities at a time. After we limited their busyness we could breathe and our kids seemed to appreciate the less frantic pace too. 

What is your priority? What is your busyness about and what is that saying about what is important to you? Our use of time tells us a lot about what we see as ultimately important in this world.

Life IS more satisfying when you take time for fun. But the rest of life will crowd it out if you don’t find the time to play. True play keeps the joy alive or helps you recapture it. Unhurried, unpressured, unbusy time is a foundational element in play. Fun and smiles are part of developing real intimacy.

The internal sense of play and smiles of the heart create a relaxed state that fosters deeper level of connection. Unhurried time leads to play, play leads to relaxation and trust, relaxation and trust create space for intimacy.