Ben Wilson, LPC

Most couples default to one or two types of intimacy. We've broken the types of intimacy down to four or five depending on how you look at it. There is recreational/social, emotional, spiritual, and physical (non-sexual and sexual). Non-sexual intimacy can be a separate category from sexual intimacy. 

Ann and I were sexual within a month of beginning dating when she came to Mizzou. As our relationship progressed if there was tension we would default to the sexual. 'Let's don't fight. Let's go to the bedroom and be close.' It set the stage for lots of trouble down the road. 

Along with the sexual, in the beginning we also had decent recreational intimacy because Ann is a pretty good basketball player. Her hoops skills were sexy to me. She was an all-district player in basketball rich southeast Missouri. I could relate more easily to the jock Ann but had a tougher time with the elegant Ann. She had a tougher time being in touch with her more tender side too. 

Our spiritual intimacy was non-existent in the beginning because I wasn't a believer (Ann cringed when I would slam the door in the faces of any evangelists that knocked) and Ann had tucked her beliefs away hidden from site. 

We were as emotionally connected as could be for two immature college students. We would hang around all day and just enjoy the company of one another. Even so, we had much inside our hearts that we didn't share with each other so our emotional connection was slight. 

Most couples default towards the sexual early on, although other couples default toward different ones. What is your story in these areas?

We'll spend plenty of time down the road defining and discussing how to build each type of intimacy so that's why I didn't go more in depth here. 

Tomorrow we'll begin looking at general barriers couples face in building intimacy.