Ben Wilson, LPC

Where are we? We are we going?

We've told our story. We've gone through gender, having a feminine or masculine soul. The deep pain of betrayal and the intensity of anger are two challenging parts we've discussed as well as rebuilding trust. So that's where we are. We've dealt with some brutal post affair realities. And we've also talked about the basic elements of good communication. 

Where we are going now is into intimacy. We're going to be here a while as we go through barriers to intimacy, emotional, spiritual, physical and recreational intimacy. I hope our time here will help you form a new and grander vision of what a marriage, hopefully your marriage, can be. 

In reading Shirley Glass and Not "Just Friends"  I found some good words that pretty closely summarize what we hope for couples. 

She listed out the following characteristics of a strong marriage. 

• Compassionate communication is the essence of your healing.
• Your sexuality is a mutually desired expression of love, affection, and eroticism. (Ann looked at this and asked if we can say eroticism.  Yep. :)  I looked it up and the first definition of erotic is, of or concerning sexual love or desire; amatory.  That's just what we mean.)
• You have replaced any rigid patterns with flexible interactions: shared intimacy, power, and respect.
• Conflicts are resolved and don't escalate; you don't avoid them.
• Neither of you feels overbenefited or underbenefited because you are equally invested in the relationship.
• You have a united front in dealing with others, a co-constructed story about the meaning of the infidelity (or whatever the rift was) and a shared vision for monogamy. 

So hear we go. Healing isn't for the faint of heart. Unblinking bravery (ok, maybe a little blinking) is required to face life honestly. And when life is faced honestly the likelihood of gaining the reward of grace filled intimacy is closer to being a new reality. 

Strength, courage, tenderness and blessings on your journey.

Ben