Ben Wilson, LPC

Let's take a look at the first three indirect approaches to anger. Indirect approaches cause problems at work and home. Anger isn't expressed to the person directly but comes out sideways in some form. These approaches lead to and are fueled by insecurity, fear and bitterness. 

The Deflector – The anger here is expressed against someone or something other than the actual source; usually someone less threatening. Say your boss yells at you at work. It really ticks you off. Internally it feels like the only responses possible are to yell back and maybe lose your job or take it and go home. The deflector then goes home and kicks his dog to express his or her anger. 

The Keeper – Keepers hold their anger in until they are with someone safe with which to express it.  These people are selfish with their feelings and don’t share them often. They don't trust that anyone would really value their heart. Anger often is expressed in tears to evoke sympathy and concern and avoid possible rejection.

The Revenger – Wants to get even.  They file away who did what to them and enjoy making the other person pay.  These folks have memories as long as Methusalah. Very justice oriented when it comes to the wrongs of others. Anger is for getting even. 

See yourself in there anywhere?

We'll look at the rest of the indirect approaches next and then take a look at toxic expressions.