i betrayed my husband and now i hate myself so much i want to die
These words were used for a search and our site came up. Ann was suicidal for several days after her affair was revealed. If we had kept drugs in the house the night it came out she said she probably would have done it. Later on she battled with thoughts of heading to the garage, with our dog, and starting the car. I'm glad she didn't.
And you, hurting lady, whoever you are, where ever on this planet you call home, Stay Alive. The next several days and many beyond will be painful. Stay Alive. On the other side of this hell you will live through is a deeper, more meaningful life. If you don't have any hope borrow a bit of mine. That's how I made it through during the worst of times by borrowing a little hope from others when I didn't have any.
You messed up but it's nothing that hasn't been dealt with before. David from the ancient writings had to deal with the same tortured soul you are. He still was a man after God's own heart. He ached and writhed and felt himself wasting away, but he stayed alive. He was redeemed, rebuilt, reeverythinged and you can be too.
Your infidelity was bore on the cross by a suffering saviour. You'll go through what feels like death, maybe worse than death because it persists, but on the other side is resurrection. Parts of your soul will be lopped off in a death of sorts, but out of those deaths will come growth and life and spring. First you'll deal with pain and sorrow and winter, but Stay Alive and the newness of creation will eventually spring forth from within. Stay alive.
The amazing grace of the gospel is that while you were committing adultery your savior loved you the most. When we are at our worst, divine love shines most brightly. Paul in letters to the Romans 2000 years ago said that, 'While we were still sinners Christ died for our sins.' At your worst you are dearly loved. At your worst a man, a God, hung nailed to a tree so that you may live.
So, dear lady in desperation, know that the final word isn't written about you. There is much of your story left to tell. Stay Alive.