Expressing Criticism Constructively
Here are some basics to help you as you begin important conversations. We'll show the guidelines for the the Speaker and Listener from A Lasting Promise tomorrow.
The XYZ statement
- “When you showed up 15 minutes late for our appointment with the pastor, I was very frustrated.”
- "After I've been cleanding during the day and you come home and leave your coat on the chair, I feel unappreciated."
- "You frustrate the heck out of me showing up 15 minutes late on purpose for our meeting." (Starts with you, negative interpretation)
- “When you leave your coat on the chair by the door, I feel like you are a slob.” (Slob is not a feeling, but a character assassination.)
The XYZ can be used in a positive way to bless
- "When I don't ask you to, and you unload the dishwasher, I feel loved."
- "After work, when you give me 30 minutes to unwind when I get home, I feel valued."
Rules for the Speaker and for the Listener tomorrow.