108/444 Healing From Infidelity: What Men Need to Understand about Women: Listen to me
As women, we crave connection. This goes back to our original design to be relational. We want to know that you want to try to understand us, even though sometimes we don’t understand us. This needs to come in the form of knee-to-knee, face-to-face conversation. We know that shoulder-to-shoulder is more comfortable for you, but remember that part in Ephesians 5 I’ve mentioned in the last few posts that says a husband’s love is marked by giving, not getting? Yeah, that’s the kind of listening I’m talking about. We want your full attention. We don’t want you to be watching the ball game with one eye and gazing 'lovingly' into our eyes with the other. Who are we kidding…we know that both eyes are really watching the game leaving us feeling neglected. If it's the game you've been waiting all week to watch, let us know you'll give us your full attention as soon as the game is over. We would rather you put down the book you are reading and focus your attention on our words than someone else’s. And if you connect more deeply with your 923 friends on Facebook than with your wife (this probably applies to some of us ladies, too…ouch), a shift in priorities may be in order.
We know we typically have more words to use up in a day than you do, so just listen. Don’t try to fix, just listen. We understand that you were created to ‘rule’ and part of ‘ruling’ is fixing. We’ll let you know when we need a solution rather than just a listening ear. Most of the time, that’s all we need…an attentive, listening, sympathetic ear.
If you don’t listen to us, the temptation is to find someone else to share the deepest part of our hearts with. Sometimes this can be healthy in the form of loving friendships with other women who will hold us accountable for our actions and words. And who will hold us up to the One who listens to us all. Sometimes this can be disastrous in the form of an all-too-friendly acquaintance who would jump at the chance to show us just how good a listener they can be. This is when we enter the danger zone. Know why? Because we crave connection. We were built for it. And sometimes we let that craving cloud our judgment (ladies if you sense that initial draw find a way to pull back), just like it does when we get a craving for a big slice of chocolate cake that we know is going to be ‘once on the lips forever on the hips’. So be our chocolate cake so we aren't tempted by that big slice of danger that will drive a wedge between us with disastrous consequences.