Ben Wilson, LPC

Holidays can be an awkward time when recovering from an affair. I guess they can be awkward anytime but especially so when recovering from an affair.  The tension in the air at home is most likely going to be managed differently around the rest of the family.  Actually, Ann and I took our first Thanksgiving post revelation to spend 3-4 days apart.  

We generally don't advocate separating when dealing with an affair. There are too many important conversations that happen on the fly that may not happen if a couple isn't living together. It is very hard but in living together you have to deal with one another. It's not always fun but I believe in most cases it keeps the process moving.  

Those days apart that first Thanksgiving were both sad and helpful to me.  A mini separation if you will. I was sad just not having my wife by my side while I spent time at my parents house. Ann went to St. Louis to spend time with her three siblings and other friends. Even though I was sad it was helpful for me to get a short break away from dealing with the large dark mass that was our marriage at the time. It was an important time to decompress and reflect.  

There is no right or wrong way to handle this but do your best to be intentional about it. We spent Christmas together that year. It was challenging for me to be in a celebratory mood but I made it through it and appreciated having guests in our home.  For Ann it was good to have a sense of normalcy at Christmas and Thanksgiving just cooking and laughing and being with others.  

Blessings on you and your marriage over this next month.