Ben Wilson, LPC

I've talked to several men lately who said something like, "I'm a Mr. Fix-It. When she starts telling me about her day, I start solving all of her problems." While being a problem solver is a terrific trait it isn't generally the one needed during conversations between a husband and wife. If a man can't 'solve' his wife's problems often confusion is the result for him.

In our confusion we are afraid to enter the mystery and chaos of our woman’s soul.

As a woman controls (her primary sin), a man can speak and move into her inner being instead of ‘running’. The temptation for a man when his wife isn't at her best is to stay away, avoid her. But remember from before that she'll generally interpret this as the man not loving her or that she is unlovable. If fixing doesn't 'work' a man takes to flight and his wife's soul is left neglected.

Is there another option? Is there anything else besides trying to make a woman's soul into a formula to be solved or taking flight to the man cave?

There is. It can be scary.

Instead of fixing, or running a man can have this general mood,

“I feel confused by what you are saying.  I want to stay and listen to all that is going on for you right now to know you more deeply.”

The goal of the vast majority of important spousal conversations is to know each other more. The good news for a man is he can relax and just be present with his wife.  It's counterintuitive for most men. You don't have to have the answers and you have great value to your bride even when you don't. You don't have to 'get her' for her to feel 'got'. You just have to be there and locked in on her.

We often don’t have this mood because we feel threatened or disrespected or inept as a man. Guess what? Your wife is going to be sad, frustrated or angry sometimes and it doesn't mean you are a failure as a husband.

Find freedom and courage by trusting in God’s goodness to stay involved.