Ben Wilson, LPC

This is not about Joe Paterno.

If these boys really were molested, groped and raped by a middle-aged ex-Penn State football coach, then whatever misjudgment Paterno made will be a single lit match compared to the bonfire these boys will walk in for years to come.

Many of them won't be able to trust. Won't be able to love. Won't be able to feel -- nor trust or love themselves.

Don't feel sorry for Paterno. He's had his life. Feel sorry for these boys, because they may never get one.

~Rick Reilly

Read the rest of Rick Reilly's article here.

In healing from an affair it's important to look at one's story from 0-18 years of age. Often times there is abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, verbal) or addiction that has never been processed. Without processing, the abuse stays inside slinging replications of the story from the past to the unsuspecting in the present. A single occurence can alter your perception leading to more pain and hurt from the actions that follow.

With processing it can still be a very long road of healing depending on the extent of sin, trauma and wounds.

The Denver Post carried an article that showed the time line of the abuse. It is heartbreaking how it went on more than a decade after the first report of wrongdoing. So many boys having their tender souls rampaged. 

My primary focus in sharing this is to encourage you to get help if you have abuse in your past. An affair can be a reenactment of abuse. It can also be another way a dysfunctional family didn't learn to deal with life head on.

For males and females it takes a great deal of courage to walk through the shame and confusion to tell another living being. There is great fear of the perpetrator, fear of not being believed, fear of being rejected for being dirty. Summon courage, grab a friend's hand, get to a counselor and start telling your story.

Evil has its way in the dark. Bring it to the light with someone you trust to find healing. 

Here is another story featuring Darrell Hammond from Saturday Night Live fame.

Hammond's father was a shell shocked WWII vet and his mother seemed all Nazi. In this interview he shares his story of abuse and abandonment. The abandonment is the worst kind where the person is still physically in the room.  

Darrell has been getting help and is experiencing some breakthroughs. It can take a while. But he is experiencing it.  

An abusive past doesn't justify an affair in the present, but it can make it understandable.

Reach out. Get help.