I float back 17 years ago to the days after Ann's affair was revealed. I remember wanting to kill myself. The pain was worse than anything I ever imagined. Ever!
Ann battled suicidal thoughts too. I remember seeing her in the kitchen. Her hair was a thatchy nest, t-shirt seemed two sizes too big on her fallen shoulders with her chin planted firmly into her collar. She pondered taking our lab into the garage, turning the key and taking a Road Trip to nowhere.
I was weary of the pain so I called our counselor. He told me there was nothing he could do to take it away. He aknowledged how hard it must be. I forced the words through my mouth for the benefit of the one who had caused the pain, "Ann's thinking about killing herself."
He had me put her on the phone. The theme of his message was like that from The Last of the Mohicans in the waterfull scene. Stay alive. Call me if you think you'll do something. Stay alive. Call me if you are going to kill yourself. Stay alive.
Really those words from Hawkeye to Cora can echo those of God to us. Stay alive, I will find you. Survive. Stay alive, no matter what occurs. I will find you. No matter how long it takes no matter how far.
And so my redeemed bride leads a retreat for women this week, Road Trip. She stayed alive and God did rescue and heal and reveal himself to Ann. And now, through her this weekend, he reveals and shares his story of love and redemption once again.
It's hard to get through this crap, especially the first 30 days, but know that you have no idea of what God has for you down the road. Stay alive, no matter what occurs. He will find you.
Look at it this way. If someone has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders off, doesn't he leave the ninety-nine and go after the one? And if he finds it, doesn't he make far more over it than over the ninety-nine who stay put? Your Father in heaven feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose even one of these simple believers. ~Matthew 18:12-13