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Our Interview with Bettina Gregory on American Family

Our interview will air on February 6th, 8PM Eastern, on the Goodlife Network (GTV).  The show is American Family hosted by former ABC White House Correspondent, Bettina Gregory.  GTV is available locally on Comcast.  Check local listings in your area. :)

Here is a bit about the show,

Rebuilding after an Affair
There’s no way to prepare for the pain that you feel when you find out your spouse is having an affair. Do you stay or do you go when you discover your spouse is having an affair? In many cases an affair shatters a marriage. But some married couples do survive and even become stronger for it. On this edition of American Family we talk to couples who have overcome an affair, and find out how they did it.

Here are some great words from Bettina which will conclude the show.

Bettina's Commentary

You go back and forth, should I tell? What if she leaves me and takes the kids? You figure you can go on having your cake and eating it too, as long as your spouse doesn’t officially know about the affair. Have you forgotten that one of the major reasons you are having an affair is because things aren’t so great in your marriage right now?

Is this an exit affair, if you want to end the marriage you should do so, as quickly as possible. Not all marriages can be saved.

But IF you still love your spouse and want to rebuild your marriage you are going to have to tell. Telling your spouse about your affair is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Your spouse is going to feel the worst pain, anger or depression he or she has ever experienced. But let’s be honest aren’t you already causing your spouse some pain by your behavior? You’ve got to be patient. You’ve got to answer all the questions about your affair. Only by talking it out thoroughly can you genuinely move beyond it. This is what both our couples did, and it’s a process that takes some time. You certainly could use some professional help from a counselor or therapist to identify the issues that caused the affair.

The spouse who did not have the affair is not to blame for the affair, but he or she must accept some responsibility for the marriage breaking down, as Anne Bercht did, which is what started the healing.

To give your marriage a chance to heal, the person having the affair has got to completely finally and forever cut off all contact with the third party involved. If this is someone you work with, yes, you may have to find another job or transfer to a different office, city or state. If you’re the one having an affair, you are going to suffer from withdrawal, sadness and grief at giving up the intimate contact with your lover, but healing cannot begin until this is done.

Then each spouse is going to have to set about meeting each other’s emotional needs: needs for sex, companionship, sharing, conversation and fun too. This takes time effort and commitment.

True healing means forgiveness, letting go of the past and its ability to hurt you. This might seem hard, except when you consider that holding on to those negative emotions makes you a slave. Freedom comes with forgiveness, that’s the way to repair the broken parts of you, no matter who caused the breakage. And that is certainly worthwhile, and so is healing your marriage.