Ben Wilson 720-378-2327
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June 2004
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August 2004

The Trauma of Betrayal--The Revelation

The most painful moment in my life happened when Ann told me that she had been having an affair. Imagine those words. They were filled with three and a half years of me deceiving myself. As well, Ann had denied, lied and deceived me for three and a half years. Take the impact of all that. Take the emotion of three and a half years and pour it into a moment. Imagine the intensity and density of those words.

Pick your metaphor. I felt soul exploded into pieces, there was an earthquake along major faultlines, the fabric of my soul was shredded, a battering ram went through my chest, a wrecking ball had smashed my gut, Muhammad Ali (the late 60's Ali from the Thrilla in Manilla) had punched my head with the fastest 100 left jabs in history, deceased linebacker of the KC Chiefs, Derrick Thomas had blindsided me at full speed etc. Add your own metaphor in the comments section if you have experienced anything like this.

I yelled and screamed at Ann. I called her names. I slammed a chair to the ground. I asked her questions about the sex they had. I told her I loved her and we would make it through this. I felt stupid for not letting myself believe it sooner. I felt ashamed at being a cuckhold. I was angry at God. I questioned Him. I cycled through these over and over. Other emotions were there too. I also felt shock from the trauma. I could just sit in my recliner, maybe rocking a bit maybe not. I'd stare at the wall, numb.