Ben Wilson 720-378-2327
The Happy Husband

Being Chosen

In the previous post I mentioned my decision to have all of our spare time be family time. I talked about how this hurt Ann in the sense that we lost play and fun in our relationship. It also hurt her in terms of not feeling chosen or cherished. I have since learned that a woman's most important questions is, 'Do you think I'm beautiful?' My answer to Ann by not pursuing her, or courting her or affirming the beauty in her was no. Ouch, that hurts to write even today. That pales in comparison to the pain she felt by not feeling chosen and enjoyed by me. In the movie, Family Man, one of the pointed lines throughout the film is 'I choose us.' Meaning I will sacrifice in my life for the sake of our marriage. Our relationship is more important to me than success or money or even family that has become an idol. I wasn't choosing us though it may have looked like it.

I left Ann lonely. Out of my weakness as a man it was easier for me to relate to the athletic side of Ann. She can run fast, she can hoop, she looked good in gym shorts and a t-shirt, but not too good or soft or intimidating for me. I didn't know what to do with her when she dressed in a softer, feminine way. So I was mostly neglecting her basic question of is she beautiful. I didn't seek to take her out and court and delight in her. I was more comfortable with her on the basketball court. At her core a woman wants to know each day that she is lovely. I took for granted that Ann knew that. To be honest sometimes I didn't care if she did or not. I didn't want to take the time for it and there was this woman at work. I began to go out to lunch with this other woman at work. We talked and shared about her marriage which was poor. So was mine I was just oblivious to it. As wrong as it could be, I began to seek to answer her question. I wanted her to know she was valued and beautiful even if she was already married to another man. I was giving my heart to her and leaving Ann vulnerable and isolated in the area of being chosen, desired, cherished. In my own decision for spare time to be family time I left Ann feeling unlovely and myself feeling not respected. I'll post more on my emotional affair in the next post. Ann's first post, which I hope will be soon, will be talking about her question, do you think I am beautiful.