Marriages Restored

Larry Crabb on Emotional Affairs

The following post was first published in the journal, Conversations.
Larry Crabb writes about the deeper soul issues underpinning emotional affairs. If you are involved in an emotional affair, or wondering if a current close relationship is damaging your marriage, I encourage you to keep reading. It is lengthy, but is well worth the time.

Abuse and Domestic Violence, Growthtrac, Articles for Christian Marriage

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are real problems in our culture and churches.  Follow the link below to check out an excellent comprehensive article from Growthtrac. 

Abuse and Domestic Violence, Growthtrac, Articles for Christian Marriage.

Bursting the Bubble Before an Emotional Affair Begins

I receive a number of inquiries about how to stop an emotional connection from deepening once it begins.  Here is a previous post on the topic.

The Growthtrac blog has some wonderful resources to help a marriage.  Sheri has scribed the post, When Does It Become An Affair.  In this post she goes through how a relationship progresses to an affair.  She mentions sharing intimate feelings and details and then being hooked and thinking about the other person just about 24/7.  This squares with my experience and also here where I shared how emotional affairs begin. 

Bowden left an insightful comment on Sheri's post, "When does it become an affair?  When secrets are kept from your spouse.  The difference between an emotional affair and a friendship is the truth--the whole truth--in a timely manner with your spouse."

It is difficult to tell your spouse when you are starting to feel that attraction to another.  One of the best ways to burst the bubble of the illusion is go to your spouse and say, "I need your help.  I'm developing an attraction with somebody at work.  I don't want it to go further because I love you and I value our marriage.  Let's you and me set up some parameters for this relationship."  No outward parameters will matter if you don't guard your own heart. 

Obviously, your spouse will want to process this bit of information.  Be forthcoming will all information.  This helps keep you accountable when a temptation monkey jumps on your back and says, 'it won't hurt anything to have lunch with...' and helps your spouse keep trust in you which allows you to maintain emotional intimacy in your marriage.   

Get Closer, Marriage Conference on Intimacy

It's fast approaching Jan 23-24, 2009 and our next Marriage Conference, Get Closer.  Friday evening you'll hear redemptive stories from three couples (including Ann and me) mixed in with a few powerful video clips.  Saturday you'll learn practical skills, the essence of intimacy in four areas (emotional, spiritual, physical, recreational) and we'll guide you through meaningful conversations with your spouse.  There will be another story of rebuilding and renewing on Saturday too.

This event will be held at First Baptist Church in Warrensburg, MO about a half hour from the outskirts of Kansas City. Registration will be available soon.  Child care will be available on a limited basis.  If you have any questions or would like to attend call me at 660.422.2512 or email ben.wilson@marriagesrestored.com. 

Infidelity: Do's and Don'ts for Working with Couples

Upon completion of grad school Ann and I flew to San Diego to participate in a conference for counselors led by Emily Brown, author of Affairs and Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment.  We had lunch with Emily and on another evening she took us to a great restaurant near the water (the name escapes me) with the most delectable cheese soup that had 8000 spices in it or so. 

We've kept up with Emily having a lunch in Boulder here and a lunch with her and her new husband/childhood beau in DC.  In DC we were both interviewed by Bettina Gregory for the television show, American Family.  You can buy the DVD of the episode, Rebuilding After An Affair.

Emily wrote a piece for Social Worker Today that appeared a year ago.  It is written for counselors helping folks with infidelity but I think it will be helpful to everyone dealing with this issue.  Its called Infidelity: Do's and Don'ts of Working with Couples.

Infidelity Helps

I suppose I should have titled this Helps for Infidelity Recovery but maybe I made you look.  :) 

I came across this site by Judith Barnett with many links to help people through the chaos of infidelity. 

So if you are in the middle of this upheaval in your life, I encourage you to give this Tar Heel lady a look.

On the small and meaningless Tar Heel trivia page of life, Tyler Hansbrough lived next door to me in Columbia, MO the first couple years of his life.  His dad, Gene, was an NCAA champion high jumper at Mizzou and was attending medical school after his track and field days were over.  They lived right next door to us on El Cortez. 

Really didn't change your world, I know.  But those links from Judith might.