How To Forgive An Affair

And now we begin the final section of the book on Grace and Forgiveness. Forgiving an affair was a long process. Join us for the next few reflections as we walk through our experience, and our understanding of the process, of forgiving an affair AND enjoying being married. Below is the intro.  

Will I Ever Be Able to Forgive You?

This question haunted me for 14 months with Ann. “Will I ever be able to forgive you?” At first I said I forgave her, but I was just trying to be a good Christian boy. I didn’t really. Shoot, I didn’t even know all of the ways she had wounded me. How could I forgive a wound I didn’t even know I had? But in some circles that is the norm: forgive and deny the pain. It’s a hoax!

I wanted to forgive. I craved the release I imagined forgiving would bring. So I learned another truth on this journey, forgiveness and grief are not the same. I was eventually able to forgive Ann, yet losses still needed to be grieved. Understand, I was never able to forgive in my own power. It came supernaturally.

Reinholdniebuhr121403

Forgiveness came when I was able to own all God forgave me for. I owned my sins. It felt so unfair at first. I resisted. She had the affair! But in God’s economy, our sins are about equal. None of us come close to being God. Jesus’ words, forgive as I’ve forgiven you, persistently tapped me on the shoulder until one day the fullness of His grace overcame me. I melted into God through tears and snot, resting in his Grace and knowing that His love didn’t fear my sin. He accepted all of me. I passed that Grace onto Ann. “I forgive you. We’re going to make it.”

 

Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing your marriage from the affair by Ben and Ann Wilson coming very soon!!