Most work places give you three days to grieve a death. You get a day to travel, a day for the funeral, a day for travel and then get over it and get back to work. Soul truncation.
Our culture doesn’t grieve well, so most of us end up stuck in our pain. My stomach churns when I see a typical list of getting over grief as if it is an illness. Always on these lists is get busy. Distract yourself, don't honor the depth of your love, that's how one heals.
Grieving is not depression. Grieving is grieving. You don't need to take a pill when grief is the issue. Sadness is not a sin. Sadness is acknowledging...something sad happened. Like an affair which flipped your life upside down.
Grieving your losses grows ones soul. Grieving honors and grows our capacity to love. Grieving is a sign of strength not weakness.
A while ago, our friend Krista penned these words on strength and grieving.
While shopping for a sympathy card today I was amazed at the amount of cards that wished the grieving person “STRENGTH” in his or her time of loss. Living in our society, to me this says “wishing you the ability to go on like nothing ever happened, to keep your eyes dry, to not make anyone else too uncomfortable, and certainly to not feel anything.”
How about a card that says this:
Wishing you TRUE STRENGTH in this time of loss.
The STRENGTH it takes to be vulnerable.
The STRENGTH it takes to allow yourself to cry.
The STRENGTH it takes to enter into the incredibly painful grieving process.
The STRENGTH that comes with the courage to question the meaning of life and suffering and loss.
The STRENGTH it takes to ask friends for help because you’re overwhelmed with the pain.
The STRENGTH it takes to allow yourself to stay in bed or miss work or not clean the house.
The STRENGTH it takes to question God’s goodness.
And the STRENGTH it takes to allow yourself to melt like a puddle on your kitchen floor because you simply don’t know what else to do.
Today I wish you that STRENGTH, and when you run out, I offer you mine- not in doing for you or taking care of you- but in grieving with you.
~Krista Swenor Brennfoerder
'Grieving with you'. And that is where I hope you are headed as a couple. Being with one another in your grief. Having compassion as one of you is having a down day in grief. Picking up the slack for each other when your energy is hiding under the carpet.
Grieving together honors the depth of love in your marriage. It will eventually help you discover an even deeper love.