The following are recommendations to enhance your sex life adapted from Clifford and Joyce Penner, authors of The Gift of Sex and The Married Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. You can find more at www.passionatecommitment.com
Today, we'll touch on the first three out of ten.
First, the most vital factor in producing a great sexual relationship in marriage revolves around the role of the man. This certainly isn't implying that the sexual relationship isn't one of mutuality. If the sexual relationship is disconnected from the other areas of intimacy (emotional, spiritual, recreational) it most often is the man. Another way of saying this is that a steady diet of fast food will lead to unhealthiness and lethargy. In sex, all quickies all the time will do the same to a marriage.
Second, the man must move in the direction of the woman’s needs. It's often documented that men can be aroused and ready for sex in the blink of an eye whereas a woman tends to desire more time for the sexual encounter. Again, I am painting with broad brush strokes here. A while back we talked about a man's primary sin will be one of avoidance. Moving towards his wife in a sacrificial other centered mannner counteracts avoidance. He will be required to move and not be passive in the sexual relationship. A man is created to speak and move and moving towards his wife physically is a great illustration of this.
Third, the woman needs to learn how to receive. For some women this is most difficult. I've heard women say that it just seems selfish to allow her man to please her while she isn't actively pleasing him. She hasn't learned to believe her own desires are legitimate or that it's ok to ask for those desires to be fullfilled. Also, remember for women the primary sin is control. Another way to look at control is that it is a refusal to be vulnerable. Receiving is a vulnerable act. Someone could choose to hurt you when you are vulnerable. Someone could also choose to bless, please and honor you.
With every relationship there are nuances. It's important to discuss how these ideas uniquely emerge with you and your spouse.
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