We've covered gender and communication. We cover gender first because most people haven't thought significantly about what it actually means to be male or female. It's important to have that lense to see everything else we'll discuss. The communication section gives practical ways to have good conversations in the midst of tension.
Now, let's look at betrayal and anger. The moment I learned about Ann's affair my heart exploded and felt like pieces of it were in Orlando, San Diego, Portland, OR and Portland, ME. I felt a surge of rage where my heart once rested. Fortunately, my heart didn't fully shatter. It came back in a jigsaw puzzle but it was not destroyed.
At our conferences we begin this section with a scene from Braveheart. William Wallace goes into the battle of Falkirk believing his band of commoners is joined with the nobles since he clasped the hand of Robert the Bruce after the Bruce said, "Unite us!" At a key point in the battle Wallace signals for the nobles to charge in. They slink away with their thirty pieces of silver, land and titles.
Wallace then takes an arrow almost straight to the heart. As a wounded animal he grabs a horse and goes after King Longshanks to avenge the death of his father, family and village. An English horseman is told to, 'protect the king'. He charges at the charging Wallace then trips Wallace's horse with his lance. The horseman then moves close to Wallace who is playing dead. Wallace grabs him, knife poised to slit his throat, rips off the headgear of the screaming Englishman, and discovers the Bruce. Betrayed.
Mel Gibson then does an amazing job portraying betrayal. He is shocked and stunned. That actually doesn't even come close to describing it. With other English approaching, Wallace lays down in the field, not caring if he lives or dies. The first time I saw this scene in 1995 I instantly felt understood. They got it. After the rage subsided I just wanted to lay down and didn't really care what happened to me.
The Bruce, who sees the other soldiers approaching is screaming at Wallace to 'Get up'! The Irishman rides in just in time, and with the Bruce's help gets Wallace on the horse and gallops him to safety. The Bruce finds Wallace's cloth from Wallace's murdered wife and begins to feel the weight of his betrayal.
The scene then shifts back to the dark and foggy battlefield. Wide-eyed, shocked and stunned he stumbles through the brutally wounded and dead bodies of his fellow countrymen. Realizing their wounds and deaths came from his betrayal the Bruce falls to his knees, haunted.
We've never found a better betrayal scene to use.