Men are designed to protect in strength and tenderness. This doesn't mean women are incapable of taking care of themselves. It does mean that men are meant to have an eye on the deep value of a woman as a daughter of God “and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:27
The opposite of this is domestic abuse where a man diminishes a woman psychologically and physically. Instead of a woman feeling safe and valued she'll live in fear of a man and detest herself due to his belittling. Here is a link to info about domestic violence and the impact on a woman's soul.
A man is called to die daily to his own self-centered desires out of love for his wife. Most men will commit to jumping in front of a truck if it is headed for his wife. Sure, what are the odds of that happening? The real call to die to self is on a daily basis. Will I give up watching golf on TV to help my wife get ready for the party she is hosting? Will I watch her favorite show with her instead of taking in Sunday night football? Will I go to the chinese restaurant with her when my favorite is mexican?
These are small examples but my purpose is to communicate that loving one's wife is communicated in a ton of seemingly small decisions each and every moment. These decisions grow a heart towards being more open to love or if constantly self-centered, less open to it.
Grace is necessary as we live out this calling imperfectly. We're all going to blow it. Sometimes we blow it in little ways and sometimes big ways. If grace flows both ways between a husband and wife there is an excellent chance for a close marriage.
When a man messes up it is important to not cover himself in shame and then isolate. I know I'm tempted to just hole up in the man cave bathing in my shame. The problem is hiding will communicate to your wife that you don't love her or more personally that she isn't loveable. All she'll know is that you don't want to be beside her. So when you blow it know that God's grace does indeed flow your way carrying you through your shame to move towards your wife in tender strength.