Fr. Artemy, "Perhaps the only way for a modern man, crazed by inner pride, to come to humility is to be crushed by life, to be cut into pieces by his sins, and to understand that he hasn't any strength to live without God. Our ancestors were like birds who soared to our Lord; now we must crawl to Him."
I think that anybody who has gone through the revelation of an affair can relate to this. There is so much pain in bringing months or years of deceit up to the present in a single moment. The pain can be crushing. Our sins do shred our souls and the souls of those impacted by our sin. There will be much pain and it will take time to heal. As you go, take the next step, or lurch as you crawl, and keep moving toward the One Who Made You. Don't settle for any glitzy Christianity. You need the raw experience of connecting with the crucifixion. Somewhere, somehow, someway after months or years in the tomb, you will experience the glory of the resurrection.
