I spend a fair amount of time on Facebook as do many of you. It's great to reconnect with old classmates and friends. While it is fun, we also need to be aware of the dangers to our marriages as we interact on-line. On-line affairs can happen quickly and without premeditation. Perhaps, you find yourself sharing more often and more intimately with an on-line friend. Is this harmless or harmful to your marriage?
The late Dr. Shirley Glass shared a quiz on this topic in her book Not "Just Friends" .
Read the word email as covering any on-line or text messaging interaction.
1. Do you find yourself coming to bed later at night because you are chatting on-line?
2. Do you ever exit a screen because you do not want a family member to see what you are reading or writing to a chatroom member?
3. Have you ever lied to your spouse about your personal internet activities?
4. Would you feel uncomfortable sharing your internet correspondence with your spouse?
5. Have you ever set up a separate email account or credit card to carry on a personal correspondence with an individual on-line?
6. Has your internet correspondence had a negative effect on your work or household tasks?
7. Have you ever lied in response to a question from your spouse about your email correspondence?
8. Have you ever exchanged photos of yourself with a secret email correspondent?
9. Since beginning a secret email correspondence, have you experienced either a loss or an unusual increase in sexual desire with your spouse?
10. Have you made arrangements to talk secretly on the phone with your email correspondent?
11. Have you made arrangements to meet with your secret email correspondent?
Scoring Key:
Two or more yes answers to questions 1,2,3,4 indicate a potential Internet romance is developing. It is time to either share your on-line correspondence with your mate or break off the correspondence and begin to examine how to improve your marriage.
A yes answer to any of questions 5,6,7 indicates you are crossing the boundary from an Internet friendship to an Internet romance. Acknowledge this relationship for what it is about to become and take action to preserve and enhance your marriage.
A yes answer to question 8 or 9 indicates you have begun a fantasy romantic relationship with your on-line correspondent. Even if it never moves to a physical stage, this relationship has great potential to damage or destroy your marriage.
A yes answer to question 10 or 11 indicates you have taken positive action toward initiating an extramarital affair. Consider the impact this will have on your marriage and your children and take steps to sort this out with a professional.
For this quiz and others to help you understand your vulnerability to having an affair go to http://shirleyglass.com/quizzes.htm
