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July 2007

You Are Welcome

I received this kind email the other day.  It really lifted my spirits.  It has a helpful resource in aftertheaffair.net too.   
Ben,
It has taken me awhile to write the e-mail to say thank you. In going through the initial healing process, I spent a lot of time on the web looking for resources. (Typically because I needed help in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn't sleep.)  Most of what I found was "divorce the jerk and move on" or "Jesus came and made everything better."  Both useless. Though I can look back now and see God in the process, at the time it seemed like He left me and moved to Mars. I only found two sites that made a difference. Yours was one of them.
Your blog entries helped me get through those first early days. I was only able to read little bits at a time. Too painful to read too much at once. The most valuable piece of information at first was the entry telling about the raging emotions and how physical energy helped. It let me know that my pendulum was normal and I began running daily.  (The batting cage was nice too.  Helped to smack things.)  The other very valuable part was your "response to an ugly e-mail." I read it on a day when I was seriously doubting my choice to stay. The love I read there gave me hope that I could feel that way again too.
The other resource we found that was valuable was "aftertheaffair.net" which has an e-book by Katie Coston that is written to the betraying spouse.  My husband read the book, and it was a turning point for us.  It gave him the answer to "what to do to fix it." The profound change in him after reading the book wound up making all the difference for me. (I haven't read it.  The book specifically asks the betrayed spouse not to.)
Thank you for being willing to share your story. As common as this is, people don't talk about it. Your honesty and putting your self out there wound up making all the difference for me.
Many, many thanks.