Thanks for Speaking at MOPS
Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World

Help With Memories of Spouse's Past

I received this comment on another post and wanted to bring it out front because I believe it is a common issue today.  What do you do if your spouse's wild, sexually promiscuous past haunts you?  I have more questions than answers.  How is his drinking?  Has he done some deep soul work on what all that drinking and sex was really about for him?  Because sex is rarely about just sex.  What do you think this is all about for you on a deeper level?  I think some of your feelings honor who you are a made as a woman because as his wife you wanted to be the only one for him.  There are also issues about what processing this to a place of forgiving his past looks like for you.

The Restoring The Glory conference is suited for these type of relational issues.  If you can't make it here in person I recommend you buy the CDs or DVDs from past conferences (or wait until after this years conference and get them) and other talks of Janelle Hallman's here. 

Here is this woman's story and questions.  Please leave a comment for her below if you have dealt with this.   

Is there anyone with the same problem I have?  I am married to a wonderful man for 8 years.  We have two children together.  The problem is I can't seem to get over his wild past.  He starting partying as a teenager and spent most of his life from then on doing the same.  He has been with probably a hundred women but says none of them ever meant anything to him.  He has been married three times prior to our marriage which is very hard for me. He has always been the one to do the breaking up in any relationship.  The first one was to his girlfriend in college, says he felt kind of "obligated" to marry her because it was "expected" of them.  That one was annulled after only a few months.  The next time was to someone who "pressured" him and got pregnant leaving him feeling trapped in a marriage for the kid's sake for six years.  Then, he was briefly married to a girl who was very poor who already had a baby (not his) and no place to go and he basically felt sorry for her.  That too ended in annulment after a few months.  My husband is a real "people pleaser" with a big heart and has done a lot of things (like those above) under the influence of alcohol, along with all the promiscuous behavior.  Just one party after another and one girl after another, none of them meaning a thing to him and he says he has never been in love until he met me.  He cheated on everyone he has ever been with and he says he was never exclusive with anyone.  With us though we have a special relationship and I know he has not cheated on me.  We are almost always together. He adores me and our children.  Why can't I get past his being with other women before I came along?  I picture them together and it hurts so bad and causes me a lot of anxiety.  Everything he tries to do with me or for me, my first reaction is "has he done this same thing with/for another girl in the past?"  Crazy, I know but that's what I think.  Anyone else have this problem?  Please help.

Comments