Affairs aren't generally planned out. Usually there is opportunity for relationship to develop. A friendship grows and sparks happen. Couple this with a myriad of issues of the heart. These could be anywhere from a parent dying, a dream job ultimately not satisfying the deep needs of the heart to being abused as a child. Good people fall into affairs.
Generally in this situation the last thing the man or woman having the affair needs is to be beat over the head with scripture. Do you think that a good man or woman doesn't know that the bible speaks against adultery? So maybe there is more going on than just choosing to ignore scripture. Maybe the reason scripture speaks against infidelity is because as fallen humans we are prone to go there to handle our loneliness and pain.
Black and white thinking is usually more of a cause of a adultery than a cure. It's wrong, don't do it is Old Testament thinking. Just follow the rules and never mind those stirrings in your heart. In New Testament thinking I attempt to determine what is the core good desire God has placed in the adulterers heart that he or she is living out in a way that ultimately won't satisfy and that they may have spoken against for most of ones life.
To be clear I am fascinated with the Old Testament and believe that God's basic heart did not change. He is full of compassion, forgiveness and righteousness and always will be. Our God is long suffering as we seek life apart from Him. The change to me is that The Law has given way to The Way. The focus changed from the rules to the person. The Person of Jesus, the character of Father, Son, Holy Spirit. The love that transcends masculine and feminine. He says, I am The Way. He has many facets but one of those prompts us to ask what does it mean to love an adulterer.
He shows us some of that in John 8. He speaks tenderly to the woman caught in adultery (where did the man go?). He doesn't stone her. He offers her hope. Go and leave your life of sin. I think this was a new thought for her. A new world opened up to her.
How do you offer hope to the adulterer in your situation. Believe me when the truth comes out, part of he or she will already feel like a piece of crap. Ann was suicidal for a while after the truth came out and she had to face it. If there is an adulterer in your life speak the truth. The truth is he or she has acted in a way that hurt you immensely, but there is more there. The truth is the same person who hurt you so deeply is also capable of incredible kindness and tenderness. There is a good heart there. So they need to hear your pain and they need to hear your belief that there is more to them than just being an adulterer.
It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance.
Being an adulterer isn't the final word for any of us.
