What is emotional intimacy? It involves oneness, being chosen and in this post we look at Being Known.
Being known is our greatest desire. Being known is our greatest fear. We all invite others to come closer so we can be known. We fear others moving closer and we push them away because being known for all of who we are is scary business.
We long to be known but it's crazy scary to remove a fig leaf to really let someone in. We have one arm fully extended with a hand held up like a traffic cop, telling everyone to stay away while our other hand motions toward others to come closer. If this is strong in a marriage relationship it creates emotional turbulence like an F-5 Tornado.
Initially, in the Garden of Eden, God, Adam and Eve were all relaxed to the bone with one another. But then the whispers came that maybe God was holding out. Eve and Adam ate the fruit expanding their knowledge to good and evil. They began to experience shame. Shame says something is wrong with me, I'm defective so I'm not going to let you see me. So they covered up. What did they cover up? They covered an area of great intimacy, greatest difference and metaphorically their hearts and souls.
All of a sudden they are looking around wondering what others are thinking and then they hear God, "Yoohoo, where are youuuuuuuu?"
Blame and shame reverberated through the trees. Not from God, but from Adam and Eve.
Still, we want to be known. We are all prone to put fig leaves over our parts that we deem unacceptable. The problem is that we are a mix of dignity and depravity so when we cover something we feel is depraved we are also covering up our dignity which is the part of us that is able to experience emotional intimacy. Our hiding makes us incapable of connecting emotionally. Our hiding can look beautiful but is still a sentence to solitary confinement.
How to get out of jail? It certainly won't be free but it will lead to freedom.
Emotional intimacy will come in an atmosphere of safety and vulnerability as a couple is able to remove their fig leaves and allow the other to see inside. A clear view through the picture window of the soul reveals all that is wonderful and glorious, and all that is horrible and selfish. This magical view allows the emotionally connected couple to sit together in broken humility. Broken together and resting in grace.
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